


Appreciate Our Things

by papyrus4sirus



Category: Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Eventual Incest, Eventual Smut, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-11 11:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4433153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papyrus4sirus/pseuds/papyrus4sirus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach is coming to terms with what life is like for him and his family after Jurassic World. Eventual incest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Change

Zach knows something has changed.

It’s not his parents who still bicker relentlessly, although the letters from opposing lawyers are no longer in their mailbox.

It’s not Gray who continues to achieve the highest grade point average and who still carries on about dinosaurs despite a near death experience.

It’s Zach who has changed, and not in any one discernible way. He feels a difference, see’s it more than he comprehends it.

Zach Knows letting Gray sleep in his bed on occasion is one of those differences; knows that a nagging voice in the back of his mind tells him to knock it off. That voice is easily subdued, especially when Gray’s soft snores render the room into a sense of safety.

There are more differences, small and varied. Zach wonders what it will all mean in time.

 

When their parents celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary a small party is held at the house. Aunt Claire made promises to attend but is not present. For once Zach understands, she has a heaping pile of bad press to climb her way out of since the events of the theme park. Only their parent’s coworkers and friends are there, milling about the house, sipping wine and listening to dated music. Zach and Gray lock eyes in the kitchen, the dining table with their parents cake sits between them and it feels like a sham, like they’re on borrowed time.

Zach inclines his head to the bottles of beer on the counter. Gray looks at the beer and then at Zach with uncertainty. A smirk forms on Zach’s face before he stealthily swipes up the three beers and gestures for Gray to follow him. They manage to make it upstairs unbeknownst to their parents or their guests.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Gray states, following Zach into his bedroom.

Guilt prickles at the back of Zach’s neck. The memory of Gray warning “we shouldn’t be here” before all hell broke loose at the park comes unbidden. Zach squashes the feeling. A few beers are not reckless endangerment after all.

“Two for me and one for you.” Zach says, opening the beers and setting them on his desk, “You don’t have to drink it though.” _You have options_ , he wants to say, _you don’t have to trust me_. The words he really wants to say often fail him.

Zach grabs one of the amber ales and chugs it. Gray watches curiously before reaching out for the Hefeweizen. Gray takes a sip and immediately sets it back down, his brows furrowed.

“It’s gross.”

“It’s more for the affect not the taste you know.” Zach informs, sitting on his bed with his second beer in hand.

Gray joins him on the bed, sitting with legs crossed and their knees brushing.

“I thought Kelly was coming.” Gray asks looking steadily at Zach.

Once more, something akin to guilt rushes through Zach’s stomach. He looks away.

“She had to be with her family tonight. I’m seeing her this weekend though.” When he looks back up something flickers across Gray’s features but is gone in an instant. A roar of laughter fills the downstairs.

“Why don’t you try this?” Zach asks, extending the offer of a dark porter.

Gray reaches for it and gives it a swig. Gray considers the taste before quickly chugging half the bottle.

“Whoa whoa.” Zach says, reaching for the beer, “Careful.”

Gray smiles and hands it back.

“That one’s better but it’s still gross.”

The sound of someone ascending the stairs is heard. Wide-eyed Gray grabs Zach’s arm.

“Zach” He whispers, looking at the door.

Quickly Zach grabs the empty bottles and stows them behind some books. Just as Zach is setting the nearly full Hef on the floor and out of sight their mom opens the bedroom door.

“Boys what are you doing up here?”

Zach stands up right. Gray is still on the bed.

“We were feeling a little anxious around everyone so we wanted a breather.” Zach lies coolly.

Zach sees the back of his brothers head nod in agreement.

A look of sympathy passes over their moms face.

“Of course, I understand. When we cut the cake in about a half hour you should come back down if you’re feeling up to it. I’ll make sure I save you each a slice in case you don’t.” She smiles brightly.

They thank her in unison and watch as she heads back down, leaving the door open. Zach quickly walks around the bed and shuts it.

Zach’s head is feeling fuzzy when he leans against the door.

“That was close.” He says, looking over at Gray. When Gray nods a peculiar sense of déjà vu envelops him.

They don’t go back downstairs for cake until all the guests have left. The sweetness of the dessert doesn’t sit well on Zach’s stomach.

On Saturday Zach bids his family goodbye before heading over to his girlfriends. He catches Gray’s eye on his way out the door and wishes he hadn’t.

Zach gets home an hour later than promised. Mom and dad are not happy; he gets a lecture from them both at once. Gray is sitting on the loveseat, he seems unperturbed by Zach’s lateness. When he’s given all the apologies he can his parents finally relent. Gray offers a small shrug before turning his attention back to the tv.

Zach suddenly feels very alone.

Instead of joining his family he heads upstairs without a second look back.

He feels anger rolling though him, directed in a million different ways. Zach shuts himself in the bathroom and cranks the shower to high heat. Zach had been unsuccessful in going all the way with Kelly. He wouldn’t mind getting home late and being chewed out if it had been for a good cause. But it hadn’t. He was late because they’d discussed waiting for the right time. Zach wasn’t sure he knew when that was. Maybe it was for the best.

Under the spray he tips his head back and trails a hand down his chest and to his groin. Slowly he begins to jerk himself under the scalding spray.

Two small knocks sound on the bathroom door. Zach can’t believe his luck.

“Yeah?” He calls out.

“Are you in the shower?” Gray asks.

“Yes, dude.” Zach replies irritated, not bothering to stop masturbating. He’ll be damned if he doesn’t get off today.

“Can I come in?”

“No.” Zach says firmly, eyes closing under his ministrations, “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Five minutes later he’s washing come off his hand and feeling less satisfied than when he stepped into the shower. He towel dries his hair and throws on his boxers and T-shirt before heading to his room.

Gray is on his bed, listening to music with Zach’s headphones.

When Gray see’s Zach he slides the headphones off.

“Sorry mom and dad were mean. I think they were just worried.”

“Were you worried?” The question is out of Zach’s mouth too fast, it lingers between them, ugly and transparent. He wants to kick himself.

“I always worry when I’m not with you.” Gray admits quietly.

The sentence is too honest; it twinges like an open blister. Zach wasn’t prepared to hear it nor was he prepared to relate so heavily to it.

In this moment he recognizes what’s changed. It’s not just him like he had previously thought. It’s Gray too. They’re both dependant on each other, in ways they hadn’t been before. He sees now, as Gray looks quietly up at him, that his brother is the only living individual that really knows him and what he’s been through.

He feels like he’s going to cry.

“I worry about you too.” Zach admits tightly, fearing he may lose his composure if he says much more. Gently he sits next to Gray, slings an arm around his neck and pulls him in for a hug. Gray leans into it and wraps both arms around Zach’s torso.

 

\--- 

 

A week later Zach breaks up with Kelly. He knows its bad timing; they had just been discussing taking things to the next level. She’s very upset and for good reason. Zach feels guilty, but there is no mistaking the lightness he feels once it’s all said and done.

A few days later the family is having lunch at Applebee’s. Zach and Gray sit on one side of the booth with their parents across from them. The waitress is young and flirts with Zach, in turn he flirts back. When Gray accidentally spills some water on the table their waitress is quick to bring them more napkins. It gives Zach an opportunity to thank her and exchange more words. His parents are amused but Gray is exasperated.

“Sorry I spilt water on everything.”

“I don’t mind, besides you got that cute girl to talk to us more.” Zach says grinning.

“ _Anyways_.” Gray says loudly, which gets a laugh out of their mom and dad.

When lunch is through Zach hangs back at the table to jot his number down on a napkin without his family seeing. Only Gray looks back and see’s the satisfied look on Zach’s face.

“You just broke up with your girlfriend and now you’re trying to get a new one?” Gray scolds out of earshot of their parents.

“Dude chill out, it’s just a number.” Zach retorts. Gray goes unusually quiet on their way back to the house. Zach feels apprehensive when Gray won’t look over at him in the backseat of the car; it reminds him too much of the way things were before Jurassic World. But back then he was the sibling doing a spectacular job of ignoring his brother. The guilt floats on.

 

When evening comes around Zach still senses a tension. Gray has gone up to his room and Zach is bored. He decides on a whim to make brownies. He follows the directions on the box and has them whipped up in 30 minutes. He tops them off with vanilla ice cream and mounds of chocolate syrup. He informs his parents of the dessert and then makes his way up to Gray’s room with an offering.

Gray is looking through the books on his shelves when Zach comes in.

“Thought you might want some of this killer dessert.” Zach says holding out the bowl.

Gray momentarily looks like he wants to decline, but he smiles and takes the treat.

“Thanks!”

Zach settles himself on Grays bed and starts to eat the brownie he brought up for himself. Gray joins him.

“This is so good I love it.” Gray groans, impressed.

“I can tell.” Zach smiles. Gray has chocolate syrup in the corner of his mouth and falling down his chin. Zach leans over and swipes his thumb along Gray’s chin and the right corner of his mouth. Gray looks slightly embarrassed and takes caution to eat his food more slowly

 

 ---

 

It’s a Wednesday evening and Zach is lying on his bed, arms behind his head listening to his headphones to drown out the arguing of his parents. Gray comes into his room with tears in his eyes. Zach sits up, swinging his legs over the edge and removing his headphones.

“What is it?” Zach asks concerned.

“I hate the yelling,” Gray sniffs, “I told them I hate it and dad turned and yelled at me.”

Fresh tears fall from Gray’s eyes.

“What did mom do?”

“She yelled at dad about it.”

Zach sighs and wipes his hands down his face.

“I’m sorry that happened. It’s usually why I don’t get involved.”

Gray is looking at the ground now, his lips quivering.

Suddenly their mom is pushing into Zach’s room.

“Oh honey I’m sorry about that.” She says looking mournful.

Gray latches onto her and she hugs him back. Zach watches with irritation from his bed.

“Dad’s going for a drive to cool off and then I promise you he will have an apology for his awful behavior.”

When Gray lets her go, Zach stands up and put’s his hand on Gray’s shoulder.

“Gray and I were just picking out a movie to watch. We’ll see you in the morning.”

There was no doubt his mom caught his dismissive tone but she does not comment on it.

“Okay, good night boys. I’ll make us waffles tomorrow.”

When the door closes Gray looks up at Zach.

“Are we going to watch a movie?” There’s hope in his voice.

Zach smiles, “Of course! How about Rush Hour?”

Gray nods and heads to the bed.

Zach busies himself with uploading the film to his laptop. He sets it up on the desk and angles the screen so they can watch it comfortably from the bed.

“Here.” Zach says handing over the Keebler cookies he keeps in his drawer. Gray’s still quiet and Zach doesn’t like that.

Gray eats a few cookies then lies on his side when Zach presses play. Turning off his overhead light Zach crawls onto the bed behind Gray. Zach is propped up on one arm and he can’t see Grays expression.

“Are you okay?” He asks looking at the back of his brothers’ head.

“Yeah I guess.”

Zach uses his free arm to sling it over Grays chest and to pull his brother against him. Zach squeezes tightly for a moment, as if to apologize again for how the evening has turned out. Gray squeezes Zach’s arm in return.

They fall asleep like that, but not before getting a few good laughs from the film.


	2. Alive

There’s an ache in Zach’s chest as he watches his brother innocuously pour a glass of milk and drink it while looking out the kitchen window. If things had turned out differently a common sight like this could have been lost to him forever. Gray turns to look at Zach, as if he senses him staring and smiles brightly. Happiness eclipses everything in one fell swoop and for a glorious moment Zach feels like he can breathe properly.

The feeling doesn’t last long though. Their father enters the room and the mood visibly shifts. Zach quickly leaves, retreating to the steps of the back porch outside and away. He watches the grass sway in the wind and wonders how to feel.

Gray finds him outside a few moments later. He sits next to Zach, brushing their legs together.

Zachs’ arms are wrapped around his knees. Gray’s head falls onto Zach’s shoulder. A disjointed thought tells Zach to pull away, but the proximity feels like a lifeline and he can’t break it. Gray feels close and far away.

“I’m glad we’re alive.” Zach says finally. It feels like something he’s needed to say for awhile.

“Me too.”

“I think Zara’s death was the hardest.” Zach admits. He can feel Gray grow still next to him.

“It was horrible.” Gray says on an exhale, lifting his head up and looking out at the yard.

They sit in contemplative silence, until a few scattered rain drops prompt Gray to stand up. Gray pulls out his phone and checks the time. The sight of it is still strange to Zach, though he was the one responsible for convincing their mom to get Gray his own phone.

“Why don’t we go to the library? We have a few hours until it closes.”

Zach thinks about declining, but knows the walk would improve his mood.

“Kay, get our sweatshirts and I’ll grab my keys.” Zach says standing up.

Gray dashes into the house and Zach slowly follows.

At the library Gray pulls various books relating to biology and chemistry while Zach aims for some classic literature and ends up with the _Old man and the Sea_. They find a private corner table and start reading their respective books. Zach’s is horribly boring but he’s too lazy to get up and find something new. Coming to the library was an activity meant more for Gray’s enjoyment in any case.

Zach sets the book down and sighs, watching as Grays’ eyes scan the pages of text with lightning speed.

“Not interesting?” Gray asks.

“Nope.”

Zach starts to play around on his phone and Gray does the same after a few more minutes of reading.

“I have to use the bathroom.” Gray announces, setting his phone on his stack of books.

Zach doesn’t look up but says, “Okay.”

When Gray leaves the table Zach watches him go briefly. That’s when he notices his brothers’ phone is sitting there with a bright screen, not yet locked. Zach knows better than to look through someone’s phone, he couldn’t imagine if anyone pulled that on him. But the curiosity is overwhelming and he quickly plucks it from the pile of science books. He scans through the texts and sees mostly family and a few friends on there, nothing interesting. Next he clicks on the photos app. Pictures of dinosaurs, their yard and family are scattered throughout. He scrolls further up and feels his breath leave him. There are several photos of two men making out on his phone. They look like they’re probably porn stars, but Zach isn’t sure. He can’t believe what he’s seeing and suddenly he feels terribly odd.

Quickly he closes the apps he’s looked through. The phone is carefully placed in the same location and he resumes holding his own phone, but stares blankly at the cluster of apps. Zach doesn’t know how to process this.

Gray returns and immediately gets back to reading his oversized book. Zach keeps furtively glancing up at Gray through his bangs; Gray is oblivious.

Zach stands up and grabs his book.

“I think I will look for something else.” He says, looking down at Gray. Gray nods briefly.

Zach strolls blindly through the aisles of books feeling at war with himself. He knew better than to snoop through his brothers’ phone. It’s not as if he doesn’t have dirty pictures on his own phone.

He returns to their table empty handed.

“Maybe we should head home. Are you checking those out?” Zach asks, tilting his head towards the stack that seems to have grown.

“Just two of them.” Of course the two he checks out are the largest possible ones but regardless, Zach offers to carry them for Gray on the way home.

On the slow walk back what weighs heavy on Zach’s mind has nothing to do with his brother and the pictures on his phone, but instead has everything to do with him.

 

\--- 

 

It’s their final day of classes for the year and the brothers are happier than they’ve been in awhile. As much as Gray loves school he loves his free time too. Their parents order pizza for that night and everyone is in good spirits.

Gray is humming appreciatively around his third slice of pepperoni pizza while Zach eyes the last cinnamon stick in the dinner box. They haven’t gorged like this in ages. They also stay up entirely too late watching films, the promise of summer not allowing for a single tired bone in their bodies.

It’s two in the morning and they’ve made their way to Zach’s room. Neither is tired and instead they speak animatedly, feeling content with the day’s progress.

A knock sounds on Zach’s door.

“Shit.” Zach whispers.

Their mom pokes her head in.

“I know you boys are excited for the start of summer but get some sleep, okay? Gray, you especially need to get your little butt in bed.”

“I will!” Gray assures. She leaves with a pointed look.

Gray breaks the silence.

“Can I stay?”

Gray has not slept in Zach’s bed for over a month. Zach feels hesitant, like maybe this is the turning point where he puts a firm end to their collective dependency, keeps Gray secure for a little bit longer.

“Totally.” He fails.

He smiles looking at Gray’s happy face and can’t help but biff him over the head with a pillow.

“Hey!” Gray squeaks.

“Sshhh.” Zach implores with a finger to his lips. Gray nods and then begins to take off his button-up shirt and kick off his shoes. Zach sheds all but his boxers and a worn black shirt before diving into bed.

Zach lies with his chest pressed against Gray’s back. He slings an arm over Gray which has grown to be their typical sleeping posture.

“Night Zach.” Gray says, finally sounding tired.

“Good night.”

The portion of Zach’s mind that has been exercising caution completely shuts down in the darkness of the room. Carefully his hand snakes its way beneath Gray’s undershirt. He trails the tips of his fingers along the soft flesh of Gray’s stomach; back and forth.

When he hears Grays’ soft snores Zach finally drifts to sleep.

 


	3. Remembering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taco Bell should cut me a check for how much I refer to them in this chapter.

“I don’t want to go back to school.” Gray admits when they’re playing soccer at the nearby park.

“We still have a month to go and you love school.” Zach reminds, easily out maneuvering the ball from Gray.

“I like learning, I don’t like school.”

“You only have one more year of middle school at least.”

Gray doesn’t respond but quickly takes charge of the soccer ball, dribbling it out of Zach’s reach. Zach catches up and elbows his sibling.

“Jerk!” Gray cries and lashes back.

They become a tangle of limbs, fighting for the ball until Gray trips Zach. Mid fall Zach reaches for Gray and takes him down with him. They crumple to the ground laughing, Gray half on top of Zach. Gray rolls off and they lay side by side laughing up to the sky.

“We’re playing badminton next time.” Gray says catching his breath and sitting up.

“Not likely.” Zach teases.

Gray pulls out his phone and Zach watches him from where he’s laying, memories of the library and what he saw flashing across his mind. Zach sits up and nudges Gray’s shoulder.

“Let’s get Taco Bell.” Zach suggests, watching his profile.

“Okay.” Gray replies still looking at his phone.

Annoyance bites at Zach briefly but is quickly admonished. He can remember the many times he was too absorbed by his phone to listen to Gray.

 

At the house Zach shakes the car keys at Gray, “Ready?”

“You still don’t have your license.” Gray reminds.

Zach rolls his eyes.

“It’s not far, it will be fine. If I can out drive pterodactyls I think I can get us to Taco Bell.”

“You could just try to get your license again.” Gray retorts.

“Yeah, and I will.” Zach replies stubbornly. He turns on his heel, heading out the front door. Gray hesitates but follows.

Under the fluorescent lights they have a feast of gorditas, quesadillas and cheese roll ups. Gray gets multiple brain freezes from his Baja Blast Freeze but carries on despite Zach’s teasing.

Afterwards they sit on the couch at home feeling stuffed and zoning out to the TV. They are able to get caught up on and finish an incredible amount of shows thanks to the summer break. When their parents get home the boys retreat upstairs to avoid the disparaging comments that are being tossed back and forth. There are moments when everything feels normal in the family, but they never last long. Reality strikes in the form of arguing parents. The idea of divorce never strays far from their minds, though it’s not yet come to fruition.

Upstairs the boys make light of the situation. Zach has worked hard to make positive associates for Gray during the times their parents argue. He offers food, comfort and the overall idea that Gray can count on him. 

Zach feels sweat forming above his lip as they speak in his room.

“I hate this muggy heat.” He says to Gray.

“This is nothing; Cities in South Asia have the worst humidity in the summer because of their proximity to the equator and large bodies of water.”

“You’re a walking encyclopedia.” Zach fondly points out.

Gray ducks his head, Zach can just barely make out the upturned corners of his mouth. The sight of it makes something twist deep and ugly in Zach’s chest. Fragmented and ineffable worries skitter on the outskirts of his mind, like the dregs of old coffee. But nothing makes sense and there’s no way he could explain what this is.

“Can I stay again?” Gray asks, his eyes looking impossibly round.

Despite an incessant and inconclusive internal monologue, Zach’s mouth works to form the word ‘sure’ with as much nonchalance as he can muster.

Their formula is the same: Changing into nighttime clothes, listening for the sound of their parents turning in for the night, and the inevitable closeness they seek under a frail sheet with the fan on high speed.

Their routine was bred out of fear, both growing reliant on what they could control.

Gray turns to face Zach when they hear the distinct sound of separate doors closing.

“I know we’re safe, and the worst is six months behind us. But I still feel scared sometimes. Are you also afraid?” Grays eyes search Zach’s, imploring him to answer truthfully.

“I’m more afraid of what it’s done to us.” The words leave him quickly and he instantly regrets it. He’s revealed too much and nothing at all. Grays brows furrow, like he’s pondering Zach’s response.

“Do you feel different?”

Zach sighs and rolls onto his back to avoid Grays’ eyes.

“Nah, forget it. We should get some sleep.” Zach easily derails the conversation.

Gray doesn’t say anything more, instead he rolls onto his other side and the room grows quiet. Both stay awake for a long time.

 

\---

 

Zach wakes up with morning wood and a sense of defeat. Gray is still asleep on his side of the bed and Zach momentarily debates working one out under the covers. Just as he’s resigned himself to get it over with quickly, their mom enters his room unannounced and his hand freezes mid-descent to his boxers.

“Boys what are you still doing sleeping in? Come on we have errands to run!” She tells a wide eyed Zach, behind him Gray stirs and mumbles ‘good morning’ to both of them. She smiles and leaves the room.

Zach blinks a few times before heading to the bathroom. In the hallway his mom accosts him.

“Is Gray still having nightmares?” She asks in hushed tones.

Zach rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah, occasionally they’ll get bad. They don’t happen all the time though.” He lies with ease but his heart is hammering in his chest.

“My poor baby.” She says looking upset, “Okay, well go ahead and get ready and your father and I will be downstairs.”

Zach all but runs to the bathroom.

They shop at Costco for groceries and run a series of other trivial errands, none of which actually require Zach or Gray to be present. But their mom continues making a concerted effort to unite the family as a whole no matter how mundane the events.

 

Later that day when Zach is free from the clutches of his family he retreats to his room. On his bed he sits crisscross with his laptop, perusing news articles and blogs. He comes across an article about Aunt Claire. The article implies legal ramifications might be in store for his relative and Zach feels an unprecedented amount of anger. No matter her position within the company, he knows Claire doesn’t deserve to bear the full weight of the theme parks failings. He wonders if his mom has spoken to her about it or if she even knows.

When Zach finally feels like being sociable again, his family is watching a documentary in the living room. Gray’s eyes are glued to the TV but they lack a level of fascination.

 

Zach remembers the wonder in Grays’ eyes when they first caught sight of the island all those months back. The awe never left his eyes until Zach jeopardized both of their safety. Zach’s lucky he’s seen happiness in those eyes since all was said and done. Yet the way Gray observed the island on that first day has been lost to him. Zach wishes he could have appreciated it more, watching his sibling experience one of the best moments of his life. But Zach had been brooding and disinterested, there was nothing to be done about it now.

Carefully Zach manages to squeeze in on the sofa between the arm rest and Gray who smiles before handing over the bowl of popcorn. David Attenborough’s voice lulls gently from the screen.


	4. Fear

Zach is sitting in the backyard with the stars above his head and he’s crying for the first time in three years. A since of fear and confusion had welled up unlike anything he’s ever experienced before.

His parents took Gray shopping for back to school supplies. Zach wishes he hadn’t stayed behind now. Though he supposes it’s better to break down alone rather than in front of his whole family. How on earth would he explain it after all?

It’s nearly eight and they still aren’t back yet so Zach decides to head to bed early. He hasn’t really stopped crying though, and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. He crawls into his bed feeling ragged, knowing something needs to change. He has some Benadryl on the nightstand which he eagerly takes, wanting sleep to block out whatever this is.

His reprieve is short lived. Zach wakes to a hand shaking his shoulder. Groggy, Zach opens his eyes to see Gray standing in front of him.

“You should have come with us.” Gray gently admonishes.

Zach lazily reaches out to grab Gray’s hand and tugs him onto the bed. He shifts only slightly to make room for Gray who smiles brightly and lies down.

“Get anything cool?” Zach asks when they’re face to face.

“I got a new microscope and some books, I’ll show you tomorrow!” Gray is cheerful.

“That’s great.” Zach does his best to appear normal.

“Why are you in bed so early?” Gray asks, looking Zach in the eye.

There’s a split second where Zach thinks he’s going to start openly sobbing.

“I was feeling super tired, I think I’m coming down with something.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. Dude you should probably sleep in your own bed. You don’t want to catch it.” Gray can’t be near him right now.

Gray looks curiously at Zach before replying, “You’re right. I hope you feel better tomorrow.” Next he’s out of the room and the door closes with a sense of finality.

 

Zach’s family lets him sleep in which he’s grateful for. When he finally emerges from his room Gray is nearby.

“How are you feeling?” He asks with concern.

Zach can’t keep up the lie, “Better actually, maybe I just needed the sleep. So, show me what you got.”

Gray beams at him and heads to his bedroom, Zach trailing behind. Zach flips through the textbooks that Gray shoves into his chest he figures the books aren’t so much for school as they are for Gray’s enjoyment. Being the boy genius that Gray is, Zach knows he deserves all of it, even the impressive microscope. He watches Gray transition slides and look through the microscope at whatever multitude of specimens he has. Grays’ hands work delicately with the glass and the dials; there’s a stillness to his hands that Zach knows will serve him well one day when he’s in a lab doing important research. Somewhere in the midst of Zach’s thoughts he feels like he’s reached a decision, before he can give it a second thought Gray is motioning for him to look at the slide.

 

The day passes with ease, far better than the previous day had. Although the summer days are starting to feel too long and Zach feels eager to return to school to have something other than his thoughts and family for company. There’s no denying that Zach and Gray have affectively isolated themselves from the outside world, but school will force them out and away from each other. The knowledge is both comforting and disconcerting.

The family has a barbecue that evening in an attempt to make the best of the few summer nights left to them. The conversation stops abruptly when the food is ready, everyone diving into their Shish Kabobs and steaks. Zach looks up and spots the precise bit of yard he’d been sitting in just the other night having his breakdown. He feels like a fool and averts his eyes. 

Later in Zach’s bedroom he opens the window to catch a breeze. From his viewpoint he can see his parents are still outside, a bottle of wine sitting between them on the table. The air is cool but not cold as it filters into his room. He can tell a change in the seasons is coming. Zach pulls out his laptop and is downloading music when he hears Gray enter his room. They hardly knock these days, it doesn’t seem necessary.

“I’m bored.” Gray announces solemnly.

“That doesn’t happen often.” Zach states, looking up at his brother.

“What are you doing?” Gray asks while approaching the bed.

“Downloading music, I couldn’t think of what else to do.”

“I know there are a ton of things I could be doing but none of them sound interesting right now.” Gray is sitting next to Zach, watching the screen.

“Yeah I know, it didn’t seem possible but we pretty much wore out tv shows and video games in the first two months.”

Gray sighs then lays back on the bed, his shirt riding up to partially reveal his stomach. Zachs’ eyes wander to the exposed skin. He sees a tan line he hadn’t noticed before and realizes how much darker Gray looks now that summer is nearly over. Zachs’ skin has never tanned well, always turning red first and rarely maintaining color.

Zach can’t help himself, he pokes Grays’ stomach causing his brother to yelp and sit up. Zach is laughing at Gray who lunges forward to tickle Zachs’ sides.

“No!” Zach shouts between fits of laughter.

Zach easily grabs hold of Grays’ arms; twisting them behind his back and pushing him face first into the bed. He straddles Grays’ legs and laughs again.

“You are _not_ tickling me I could end up punching you; this is for your own safety, trust me.”

Gray huffs into the comforter, irritated and immobile.

“Do you promise to stop?” Zach asks, smirking to himself.

“Yes.” Gray sighs heavily.

“Okay.” Zach rises up marginally, only allowing Gray to roll onto his back.

“You said you’d let me up.”

Zach still has Gray firmly pinned by his legs; he’s reluctant to let him go now that he’s decided he enjoys the spectacle.

“You’re right.” Zach moves off Gray who sits up with a smile.

“Don’t even think about it.” Zach warns, wary of the smile that appeared the second he let him go.

Gray holds his hands up in mock surrender, “I’m not!”

Zach grins, “Okay but really how should we kill some time?”

“We could find something on Netflix.”

Zach agrees and they head downstairs. After twenty minutes they finally decide on a cheesy horror film that still ends up being disturbing somehow. Their parents bid them goodnight and warn them against the potential nightmares when they see what their kids are watching.

 When the film is over and they’ve consumed all the Sour Patch Kids their stomachs can handle Zach decides they should turn in.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Gray asks almost out of reflex.

There’s no point in trying to deny it anymore, Zach reasons.

“Sure.”

 

Upstairs they fall into routine. When the lights are out only the moon affords them light. Gray is facing Zach when he asks, “What did you mean you were afraid we were different now?”

Zach sighs and turns his head to the ceiling.

“And why do you always turn away when I ask something you don’t want to answer.”

Zach’s head immediately swivels back to Gray, “Jeez, dude.”

Gray shrugs but makes no attempt to apologize or make this easier for Zach.

“I just think we rely on each other more now.” Zach admits.

“Is that bad?” Gray asks with a crease between his brows.

Zach turns his body towards Gray so they lie parallel to one another.

“It could be.”

“What if I like the change?” Gray asks quietly, scooting a fraction closer to Zach.

“I like it too.” Zach reveals on an exhale, watching as Gray scoots closer still.

There’s no time to think, instead Zach instinctually closes the distance between them and presses his lips against Grays’.

Zach slightly pulls back, hesitant. Their foreheads are touching and Zach still isn’t sure he can entertain one coherent thought in his head. Gray takes the initiative this time. Instead of closed lips, Zach damns himself and opens his mouth to run his tongue along his brothers’ lips. Gray follows suit, rolling his tongue against Zachs’.

Ten minutes pass before they break free to catch their breath. As Zach circulates oxygen back to his brain he feels fear settling back in. They should discuss this, condemn it, ignore it, something, anything. But Gray has other ideas.

“Good night, Zach.” He says with a grin before rolling onto his other side, as if it were just like any night before.

Zach stares at the back of Grays’ head, momentarily speechless.

“Good night, Gray.” Zach manages after what feels like too long.

Zach closes his eyes, determined to put off freaking out until at least the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update, I got sucked into the world of Criminal Minds. You know how obsessions go.


	5. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have all been so patient and kind. In honor of the Jurassic Park films being on Netflix I present you with a new (and long overdue) chapter.

There are two things that Zach is grateful for the following morning: that he was the first to wake up and that he didn’t immediately panic. Instead Zach crawls out of bed and heads for the shower. There’s no denying that daylight breeds fear; the false confidence he found in the dark last night is now laid bare before him. The worry eats away at him in the shower and he finds himself staring at nothing under the spray.

His thoughts travel far and wide before he realizes his skin is starting to prune.

After his shower he stands hesitantly outside the bedroom door fidgeting for a moment before entering. When he opens the door Gray turns to look at him and smiles from his pillow. Zach doesn’t know what he expected but it’s not this. There’s an enormous amount of relief he receives from that smile; more than he deserves.

“Good morning,” Zach says feeling light.

“Good morning,” Gray is cheerful as he clambers out of bed and brushes past his brother.

Everything feels surprisingly normal as he watches Gray exit the room. For a brief moment Zach doesn’t have to worry about things to come because they’re both okay, despite what transpired last night and despite everything they’ve faced so far. 

 

The last of the summer days quickly turn into school days. The kiss they shared that night fades to the back of their minds with the perfunctory actions of attending class and doing homework. The level of comfort they have attained remains an aspect that Zach doesn’t dare disturb especially not when they’re both adjusting to the end of summer. There are questions of doubt that trail after him in the hallways of school but which quickly fade when he returns home to Gray.

On Friday of his first week back he runs into his ex, Kelly. It goes surprisingly well. It’s not until later that he realizes she might be interested in dating again. The thought leaves a bad taste.

It takes one week and three homework assignments later before Zach’s gnawing doubt leads him to action. He knows school is important to Gray; that this would naturally take over his interest and time. Still he finds himself knocking on Grays door, a formality he hasn’t allowed himself in months.

When he gets the okay he finds his brother sitting at his desk deeply absorbed in a textbook. The sight is familiar. 

“Hey,” Zach says feebly, feeling suddenly uncertain.

Gray looks up and smiles brightly.

“Did you finish your homework? Gray asks, sounding terribly similar to their mom.

“Yeah, how about you?”

“Hours ago actually, I was just reading ahead because it was fascinating.”

“You nerd,” Zach says fondly.

Gray smiles and ducks his head.

“What were you reading about?”

“The evolution of prokaryotes and their role in developing the ozone layer.”

Zach feels his lungs constrict with happiness at how utterly Gray-like that response is. Zach can’t intrude on him anymore.

“Well I’ll let you get back to your reading,” Zach concludes with a smile, exiting the door.

“Hey Zach?” Gray calls just before he leaves.

“Yeah?”

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Zach feels his hand tightening on the handle of the door. It’s exactly what he’s been wanting to hear but what he’s been too afraid to ask.

“Of course.” Zach offers, turning to look at Gray.

“Great!” The book that was open is quickly closed and Gray follows Zach out the door.

While Zach feels immensely thankful he also has the insistent urge to turn around and warn Gray that he doesn’t have to follow him, that he can go back to his reading and probably should. But the words fail him as he leads Gray to his room. There are serious breaches that have been made in his role as a big brother and on so many different accounts but the door closes behind them, effectively shutting out reality.

 

 Zach turns when he hears the thud of the closing door; Gray instantly adheres himself to his brother, arms encompassing him and holding tightly. Zach slowly winds his arms around Gray enjoying the contact. It feels like a treaty of comfort. Zach eventually pulls Grays arms away and holds his hands looking down at his brother.

Grays smile is shy.

Zach damns himself and leans down to close the distance. He’s still holding Grays hands but now he interlaces their fingers and deepens the kiss.

Gray makes soft sounds of contentment which drive Zach wild.  Thoughts of caution and regret start to take up residence in Zach’s mind but the one person he cares about more deeply than anything is before him; they’re safe in his room and he decides he wants to be happy right now.

Zach pulls back from the kiss to catch Grays eyes. He’s not sure what he’s searching for but it only takes a split second for him to move forward again and this time he trails kisses along Grays jawline. He licks a stripe up Grays neck which causes Gray to giggle from the sensation. Zach laughs as well and presses their lips together, both smiling through the kiss.

Their moment is ruined when their mom calls out that dinner is ready from the foot of the stairs. Realistically Zach knows they’re behind a closed door and everything is still fine, but they break apart instantly at the sound of her distant voice. A lead weight seems to drop in the pit of Zach’s stomach as forcefully as when he was back on the island facing the Indominus. For some reason Gray doesn’t appear as affected and starts to head for the door. Zach has to regulate his breathing before following him out of the room.

At dinner everything appears normal except only he is privy to his erratic heartbeat and strangled breath. He manages to join the conversation with spectacular ease despite the anxiety tearing up his insides.

Both their mom and dad get up to clear the dishes, talking about work and other trivial matters as they exit into the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” Gray asks quietly.

Zach looks over, startled.

“Yeah. Fine, why?”

Gray stares at him a fraction too long before shrugging and picking up his water glass to take into the kitchen.

Zach has always known that Gray is stronger than him, but it took until this very moment for him to realize it’s in more ways than one.  


	6. Sincere

Zach keeps his distance for a few days after his anxiety nearly bested him, which seems to be happening more often lately. Gray thankfully doesn’t push him and they fall back into the rhythm they’ve shared all their lives.

It’s early on a Tuesday morning when Zach wakes to the sound of his mom talking to Gray. He can’t make out their words but hears Gray cough a few times and starts to wonder. When he peeks in the hallways he sees his mom leaning on the door frame of Grays bedroom.

“Are you sure you’re too sick for school, honey?”

“Yes, I feel horrible.” Gray whines, coughing more.

“What’s up?” Zach asks his mom even though he knows the situation now.

“Your brother is too sick to go to class; I’ll go call the school now.”

Their dad appears in the hallway with a toothbrush in hand.

“Want me to pick up some Dayquil, Gray?” He asks with a mouthful of toothpaste.

Zach feels his patience wearing.

“We have some downstairs I’m sure, I’ll go check.” Their mom concludes and leaves the hallway. Their dad follows suit, flashing a smile at Zach.

As soon as they’ve left the upstairs Zach heads to Grays room and shuts the door behind him.

“Is it a sore throat?” Zach asks.

Gray is laying in his bed looking miserable covered in multiple blankets.

“Yeah and a fever.” Gray groans.

Zach sits on the edge of the bed and places his palm against Grays forehead. He notices he feels warmer than usual; he also notices how Gray leans into his touch. Zach decides to utilize their proximity and runs his hand through his brother’s bangs.

“I’m sorry you’re sick.” Zach says, finally removing his hand.

“I haven’t been sick in years.” Gray is pouting. 

Zach is about to reply when their mom comes into the room clutching a bottle of Dayquil with their father trailing behind her.

“This should help, honey. Let’s hope it’s not strep throat.”

“I can stay home and look after him.” Zach offers feeling hopeful.

“No. You need to go to school, Zach.” Their father admonishes.

“I’m not trying to skip; I’m actually worried about him.” Zach snaps turning to face his dad.

The room grows quiet.

“I know that, but you should still go to class.” Their dad says more gently this time, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Sure.” Zach says before getting up from the bed and brushing past both his parents. He regrets leaving Gray behind without so much as a second glance but he’s pissed. His parents don’t seem to grasp or respect what the two of them went through when they were at Jurassic World and it eats away at Zach. Of course there’s much more to it than that. More than he could ever acknowledge, at least not to them.

Just before catching his bus Zach visits Gray.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay home with you.”

“It’s okay. Besides I wouldn’t want to put you behind. I’ll be fine.” Gray says, trying not to cough.

“You don’t look fine. But get better.” Zach smirks and then rushes out the house to catch his bus.

 

\---

 

Zach spends the day distracted by worries for Gray and irritation at his parents. On some level Zach is aware that the version of himself that existed before Jurassic World probably would have used Gray as an excuse to skip school. But they should know that he's genuine and he resents that his father couldn’t recognize his worry.

At lunch Kelly sits next to him and at first he wants to tell her to go away but it’s not in him after the events of this morning. Zach actually ends up telling her about Gray being sick and his dad being a dick. She’s surprisingly attentive during their conversation. Zach tries not to think too much about the implications of their exchange; he has enough on his plate.

After school Zach is the first home which he is grateful for. He drops his backpack at the base of the stairs and heads straight for Grays room.

 Gray is curled up on his bed reading a book and sniffling.

“You okay?” Zach asks siting on the bed again.

Gray earmarks the page of his book before closing it and turning to his brother.

“My throat is better but I still have a fever, even ibuprofen won’t get rid of it.”

“It just needs time. I’m sorry,” Zach acknowledges.

Gray sighs heavily and turns away from Zach.

“Do you want me to make you anything?”

Gray shakes his head.

Zach contemplates what to do. He decides to stay with him for a while. He brings his legs up onto the bed and spoons against Grays back.

“You might get sick.” Gray says when he feels Zach’s arm wrap around his chest.

“I never get sick.” Zach says into Grays hair. He rubs his thumb soothingly against Gray’s Collarbone.

They lay together for several minutes with Gray feeling marginally better from the comfort. The silence of the room is disturbed when they hear the arrival of their parents. Zach quickly gets up, not wishing to interact with his parents or for them to see him with Gray.

 

\---

 

Later that night after Zach skips the family dinner his dad comes upstairs.

“Can we talk?” He asks Zach from the doorway.

“Yeah.” Zach says despite wanting to say the opposite.

His dad takes a seat at his desk.

“I know you were worried about Gray this morning, I’m sorry if you thought I was implying otherwise.”

Zach nods.

“It’s fine.”

“So, have you found any cute girls since Kelly?” His dad asks trying to seem amiable. Zach decides his dad couldn’t have worse timing.

“No,” Zach says automatically, “But I did have lunch with Kelly today.” At the precise moment Zach finishes his sentence Gray enters the room. 

Zach is startled and Gray stares at him.

Zach feels his heart stop, like he’s betrayed Gray but that’s ridiculous because he hasn’t.

“What’s going on Gray, how are you feeling?” Their dad asks.

Grays turns to look at him.

“Okay, I could use some more ibuprofen, but I don’t know where it’s at.” Gray admits, looking sickly.

“I’ll go get more. Hang tight.” And their dad is out the door.

Zach doesn’t know what to say so he remains quiet.

“I was worried you two were going to start arguing again so I decided to interrupt.”

Zach feels even more guilty by this admission.

“Thank you, he wasn’t being half bad.”

“Good. I’m going back to bed.” Gray says turning for his room.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Zach says, watching him leave.

The worry for Gray continues and the resentment for their dad grows stronger as he watches his bedroom door close. It’s only two weeks into school and already the simplicity of summer seems like a lifetime ago.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are so much appreciated! I have you guys encouraging me every step of the way, and that’s incredibly fortunate. Previous generations of writers did not have that instantaneous support and I thank you all for that.


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